Why Emotional Regulation Matters in Early Childhood
Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions. For children aged 3 to 7, this skill is still developing. At this stage, emotional outbursts are common, but rather than seeing them as “bad behavior,” we can see them as opportunities for learning. A child who screams because they can’t tie their shoes isn’t being difficult; they’re overwhelmed. Learning to manage big feelings is just as important as learning numbers and letters.
Infancy (0-2 years)
Key Features:
- Starts to develop basic self-regulation skills but still relies on adults for guidance.
- Uses language to express emotions instead of just reacting.
- Shows impulse control but struggles with frustration.
Emotional regulation is primarily external, relying on caregivers for soothing (e.g., being rocked, fed, or held).Expresses emotions through crying, facial expressions, and body movements.Begins to develop self-soothing strategies (e.g., sucking a thumb, holding a blanket).
We can support our children by:
- Responsive caregiving (comforting when distressed):is the practice of noticing a child’s emotional state and responding with warmth, understanding, and support—especially when the child is upset or overwhelmed.
- Establishing predictable routine: involves creating consistent daily patterns for children—like regular times for waking up, meals, school, and bedtime
- Modeling calm and reassuring interactions: children learn how to regulate by watching the adults around them. When adults stay calm and use gentle, reassuring language and tone, kids internalize those behaviors.
Infancy (3-7 years)
Co-Regulation Comes First. At this early stage of development your children can’t self-regulate, they have to experience co-regulation first. That means an adult needs to step in as a calm, steady presence. When a parent or teacher remains calm during a child’s meltdown, the child’s nervous system receives the message: “You are safe. I am here. We can handle this together.” Over time, this teaches children how to regulate themselves.
Practical Tools for Parents
- Name the Emotion: Use clear language to label what your child is feeling. “It looks like you’re feeling angry because your toy broke.” This helps children make sense of what’s happening inside them.
- Create Calm-Down Routines: Establish simple routines like deep breathing, blowing bubbles, or counting to ten. Repetition helps the brain learn.
- Use Visual Supports: Emotion charts or storybooks about feelings help young children identify and talk about their emotions.
Validate First, Teach Second: Start with empathy: “That was really frustrating, huh?” Once they feel understood, they’re more open to learning what to do next time.
These techniques support brain development. When a child feels seen and safe, their brain shifts from a reactive “fight-or-flight” state into a learning state. Over time, children who are supported this way become more resilient, confident, and emotionally intelligent.
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